There was so much going on I had not really wrapped my head around the reality of it. It started with one last trip to Silverton to meet with a hotel owner on a potential sale and commission. We left knowing it would be the last time getting out, we knew also that it was probably a last time effort on this sale. Even during the overnight in Silverton we felt what was coming. We hit the grocery store on the way back understanding that in Astoria certain resources had already become impossible to get and we hoped Silverton might provide. Coming home it was a flurry of closing studios and figuring out exactly what a Quarantine might look like. Would we still go in to our studios, how would we keep them safe?
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I have lived my entire life around mental illness. My mother has been fighting a long term battle with PTSD that has manifested in a variety of ways. As a small child my mother would go from extreme happiness to extreme anger in what felt like a split second. As a teenager when my mom started to finally get mental health therapy I saw her struggle with a life time of memories coming back at once. I saw hallucinations and the utter terror of wading through a life time of pain. I became the child parent taking care of things around the house to ease the pain I saw my mother experiencing. The other side of that is that I also saw redemption when my mother graduated law school. I saw her start her own law practice and take control of her own life.
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We have been spending some time on our childhood trying to re awaken our inner child and I knew it was time to come back to the envelope in the drawer. I pulled out those photos yesterday determined to find some goodness in them again. As an artist my work focuses on the topics of queer identity, femininity and recovering lost memories. It was time I took to those photos for contemplation.
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